hum!
Hum!
Making melodies out of the humdrum.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Heart Speak
Friday, October 1, 2010
On Reading and Social Working
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Falling
Fall in Texas is this catch-22 for me. On the one hand, I'm thankful to have (finally) stopped sweating (non-Texas friends, don't think I'm gross, trust me, it's unavoidable) On the other hand, it's still 90+ degrees; tweed jackets and boots necessitate the AC (what's the point, folks? let's keep wearing shorts), and besides that, the light is all weird. Has anyone ever noticed that? In Waco, the dusky light foreshadows October, but then I step outside and it's steamy. With a sigh of disappointment, I say, "at least it's not July." How is that for grateful?
Still, being the sap for setting and place and nostalgia that I am, when I remember my leafy Massachusetts hometown my heart skips a beat. Autumn was a peaceful and still sanctuary of a season, even though the foliage was ablaze and the colors ran wild. My mom, with her beautiful knack for ritual and celebration, made a tradition of leaf-walks. Together, we would go in the woods behind my house and crunch through the leaves the maples had let go. We would hold hands and hum songs, and in between, I'd tell my mom all my secrets. I was a pretty private child, but for some reason, the crunching and the humming made me spill. It was all sort of magical. I would ask her what her favorite color leaf was, and without fail, she would say, "yellow like the sun," and I would say, "I like the orange because it's a mix."
I'm not sure how well I ease in and out, or up and down or over and under life's transitions. It can be rough, to let go of the people and dreams and notions that we harvested. But, I believe it's necessary. Let's face it: no one wants to welcome a seven month freeze, but you know what? To do otherwise would be to ignore what's there, and delusion, when caked on too thickly over the years makes us all crusty and hard-headed and a bit like a toddler.
One thing I know: Loss is hard, but when we give, just a bit, it begets wisdom, just like the changing season begets the budding crocus or the burnt leaf or the first snowfall. We are thankful that grace, once again, has arrived unanticipated, against all odds and all at once. And all the sudden we are down on our knees again, knowing that life is good and life is fleeting. And we let life in.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Ode to Mary
So, I have been reading a whole lot of Mary Oliver, lately. Out loud. I know it’s sort of weird, but I love reading everything out loud. It moves me more to hear it spoken, and if I know one thing about myself, it’s that I desperately want to be moved. So, before I close my eyes at night, I have given myself up to collections of poems like “Thirst” and “Redbird” longing for some kind of transformation; if not before my head hits the pillow, than at least in my dreams.
Monday, July 5, 2010
These Four Walls
Recently, my roommate and I moved to a new residence. There’s nothing quite like nesting afresh (in a good way) and nothing quite like moving in Central Texas heat at the end of June (in a bad way). It was a scorcher, but the day had an end and the new apartment was ours, so we did what we could to keep lifting the boxes. At the end of the day we sat on a hardwood floor, slurped some popsicles and drank Chardonnay like soda-pop. We drank and dreamt and talked about important things, but I’d like to think that the fluidness of that hour or two- the swish-swash of cooling off and settling in as best we could was the most important thing of all.
It seems that most people, including myself, make big deals of homecomings and housewarmings. Betty Crocker’s business. In part, I believe homemaking is a kind of christening. Gladly, I break such sacredness into the humdrum because it’s graceful to name the ways in which we belong. After all, good belonging, sounds and feels a lot like beloved- and really, what else is there? If I can say I’ve belonged to one or two or three beloveds and they’ve belonged to me, I think I would feel quite complete and quite…well, in love.
So this has got me to thinking: when we talk about homecoming, I want to already be home. Am I terribly impatient? I find myself scheming how it is I might nest all at once. Picture: Banana nut muffins baking, while the cable guy is doing his thing. In between batches, I’ll send out my change of address emails and swiffer the floor because the rug I ordered should be delivered any day now.
Or was it on backorder?
This hasn’t happened (yet), but I think it could. Such compulsion isn’t very cozy, but it happens to all of us in and on our own time, probably because waiting is sort of a bitch. And sometimes I think all good paintings, novles, songs…soul-food really is about the angst-old question of human-hood: “could this be home?” The redemptive part that keeps us reading and listening and looking (and from slitting our wrists) translates to: “well, let’s make it home for now.”
I don’t know if this angst is good or bad or healthy or unhealthy. Maybe it’s just plain dramatic. Drama queen or not, I feel almost-home-ness a lot, and the feeling is pretty real. I know that’ s sort of a paper-thin response. Sorry. Elusiveess helps me to hold things lightly- throw up my hands, and say things, like “it is what it is.” And at the end of the day- this is what it is: me and my friend, settling in just as best as we can; cross-legged, delirious and thankful for sweet popsicles and sweeter wine.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Doors
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Today it is Easter.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Push and Pull
I have been listening to this song lately called "Big Strong Girl" by Deb Talan. The title feels like a bit of an afterthought, for such an esoteric piece (no offense, Deb) but I sure am glad that I didn't overlook it. I am a total sucker for Itunes' whole, "listeners who bought this, also liked...". Gets me every time, and that's how I found this one. Sometimes, my playlists are better for it, sometimes, it makes them feel a twinge off (who is this? where did this song come from?) Anyways, "Big Strong Girl" has it made it to many-a-playlist this spring season, and with it the other songs in the playlist line up with an easy deliberation, kind of like the way you need that corner puzzle piece for the big picture, or, the point, to emerge.